November 20, 2017

If you want people to listen…

Group of people listening…let them speak.

It’s quite simple really.

The days of talking at an audience and expecting them to take much of it on board are gone. Expectations have changed: People want a conversation. They want to be heard as well as to hear.

Sometimes we fear initiating a two-way conversation because we might not like what’s said.

The thing is…

The thoughts are there anyway. If we know what they are we are, we’re better off.

We can state up front we may not be able to act on all of what’s said.

People want to be heard. Then they might accept an alternative view. If they’re made to be silent, they probably won’t.

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Yes and no

Bridge to visionTo paraphrase 13th century poet, Mevlana Jelaluddin Rumi…

“Out beyond ideas of yes and no, there is a field. I’ll meet you there.”

Asking a closed question always seemed to me a clumsy way of opening a conversation about something as complex as the future of a country and a relationship.

Are we talking about the same thing?

Informal meetingThe conversation seems to go round in circles. Actually, it would be more accurate to say it meanders all over the place. The participants do seem to be talking about one subject though. After all, they’re using the same words.

But they’re not talking about the same thing at all.

And so the conversation doesn’t make much sense and the result is a fog.

The reason is, of course, words mean different things to different people, and they automatically attach the meaning they know to what’s said. All these different meanings have their place, to be fair, but we need to make clear which one we have in mind.

Take “leadership”, for example—one of the most talked about themes in the world today. Unfortunately, also one of the words interpreted in many different ways, such as…

Going first
The individuals in charge of an organisation
Politicians
The exercise of authority
Management
Taking the initiative in a team
Contributing something to shape the future
Stepping ahead or across
Setting an example

That’s just a few of the possible interpretations. The problem is we may not realise how different our understanding can be.

In another example, we tend to talk about measures and targets interchangeably as if they’re the same thing. They’re not. Measures help us learn about a process, and generally are helpful. Targets, on the other hand, are much more controversial. Do they lead to the desired outcomes or do they make them less likely? Talk in a muddled way about targets and measures without distinguishing between them and we have little hope of making progress.

This all seems rather obvious, but public gathering after public gathering shows we still make the mistake.

It’s wise to assume our words have a wider range of meanings than we realise and state the one we mean (as well as our respect for the rest).

If you want a fruitful conversation; take time to make clear what you’re talking about.

Otherwise, make plans for fog.

New language: Friend or foe?

Informal meetingWe’re at a gathering of professionals…

Some present find some of the language challenging. It doesn’t fit with their culture. They would like some of the words to be changed. They want met at their map of the world… Make what you’re saying fit our understanding, thank you very much.

You can’t help feeling though that the value would then be lost, or at least diluted. Comfort zones would be left safely intact.

Now we’re not talking here about words that would be widely regarded as offensive. No, it’s a more subtle objection to vocabulary that reflects different values and beliefs; words which reflect a different culture, a slightly different take on an area of professional work.

It becomes rather obvious…

Limit the language and you limit the conversation.

Open up to different words and you gain new learning.