Personal Mastery

What is the opposite of “quiet?”

May 22, 2013 By Dr David Fraser Leave a Comment

Group in discussion at a computer It’s often said that someone is “quiet’, meaning that either they aren’t saying much in the moment, or don’t say much in general. At least, that’s what it appears to mean.

In the first instance, the implication is that their “state” is different from normal, either because of some unrelated happening or because of some response to the present circumstances. In the second instance, the person is seen as relatively unengaged on an on-going basis.

So some observers, at least, expect a different behaviour.

But what is the opposite of “quiet?”

That perhaps isn’t so obvious.

Literally, the opposite is “loud,” but that’s not what me mean surely.

What about “vocal?” Is that closer?

Or is it that we hope for the person to be more engaged in what is going on? The jargon word for that might be “associated.”

We want people to be engaged in our stories, our dramas, our conversations, our ideas, and our lives.

But maybe they don’t want to be.

What’s the opposite of “quiet” in your map of the world?

And what makes you “quiet?”

Filed Under: Personal Mastery, Relationship Skills, Wisdom Tagged With: associated, Dr David Fraser, engaged, quiet

Are you in your vision?

May 15, 2013 By Dr David Fraser 1 Comment

Bridge across a gap Before we can create something in reality, we must create it in our mind. So developing a personal vision is a vital step in achieving something that didn’t exist before.

How clear and detailed does our vision need to be? Clear and detailed enough that if it showed up, we’d recognise it. Without that clarity, it won’t have the necessary guiding effect on our actions. Without that clarity, we won’t notice the relevant opportunities that come our way; we won’t see that they fit; in fact, we won’t see them at all.

That’s all very important.

But here’s the key…

We need to place ourselves in our vision. We need to see where we fit in the end result, and in turn, the journey to get there. Otherwise we won’t truly step into the dream. We won’t connect it with our life. And we won’t take the actions we need to take to make the vision a reality.

It feels safer to see a future state that doesn’t include our role in it. But then we disconnect ourselves from the journey to get there. And so we don’t take the right actions. And our vision doesn’t become a reality.

It takes courage to see yourself in your vision, taking the lead you know you can take.

But that’s what you need to do (if you want to change anything anyway).

Filed Under: Change, Personal Mastery Tagged With: courage, creating something in reality, Dr David Fraser, seeing yourself in your vision, vision

It’s not all about anything

May 8, 2013 By Dr David Fraser Leave a Comment

Three senior managers In our enthusiasm for an insight or an aspect of a situation that makes a critical difference, we’re inclined to think that’s the one thing that matters in the end.

Of course, it isn’t.

We say “It’s all about the…”

“It’s all about the relationships,” for example, or “It’s all about the money.”

Vital though that consideration may be, it’s highly unlikely to be the only essential factor. Chances are there are a whole lot of necessary but not sufficient conditions.

Sometimes we may choose the emphasis of the universal statement to make the point, but it helps to remember it’s only one of a number of vital ingredients for success.

It takes them all, and we need to elicit every one of them, not just the ones we see first.

Filed Under: Change, Personal Mastery, Systems Tagged With: Dr David Fraser, essential factors, it's all about the money, it's all about the relationships, necessary but not sufficient conditions

How do you take “no” for an answer?

May 6, 2013 By Dr David Fraser 1 Comment

Man thinking There something about train fares…

We seem to have a remarkable ability to get worked up about relatively modest amounts of money when it comes to train fares. If our request for a reduced fare is turned down (for legitimate reasons, of course, though we don’t see it that way at the time), we sometimes don’t handle it very well. Our ego is hurt.

Recently I saw one ticket-less guy take it really badly. He ended up storming off and jumping over the exit barriers. Except he didn’t make it at the first attempt and fell back on the wrong side. The indignity of that prompted more abuse towards the railwayman who had offended. I can’t repeat here what he said, but you can probably guess: two words, not very original. At one level, it was hilariously funny…

Ok, so we wouldn’t do that.

But how well do we accept having a request turned down; being told “no”?

Sometimes we do indeed need to push harder.

Other times we do better to accept with good grace.

How do you take “no” for an answer, when really you’d be best to? How do you keep your ego in check? How do you stay cool when you need to?

Worth working on.

Filed Under: Communication, Personal Mastery, Relationship Skills, Wisdom Tagged With: Dr David Fraser, ego, keeping your ego in check, staying cool, taking no for an answer

Humility and influence

May 1, 2013 By Dr David Fraser Leave a Comment

Group in discussion Do those with the most humility have the most influence? Or is vocalising knowledge and expertise an essential part of gaining the attention required to make a difference?

Often it seems that those who have learned the most have the least need to speak, whilst others who are working things out need to express their ideas outwardly.

Of course, we need to remember some people like to process internally and others externally as a matter of preference, so we need to take that into account.

That allowed for, sometimes it’s the quieter ones—the ones with humility—that really have the knowledge, and in fact the greater influence. Perhaps they know enough to know how much they don’t know, and so we trust them more.

What’s your experience?

Filed Under: Leadership, Learning, Personal Mastery, Relationship Skills Tagged With: Dr David Fraser, expertise, humility, influence, knowledge

Changing what you know

April 27, 2013 By Dr David Fraser Leave a Comment

Woman reflecting … as opposed to what you know about.

It’s one thing to know about something, quite another to know a subject and be able to deploy it in life. Unless you can do (or be) something, you don’t know it, not really. There’s a world of a difference between knowing your purpose and knowing about purpose, for example.

This comes up with books—a great change resource if used properly…

Sometimes people ask me to post a summary of a book I’ve read for them to access, as if that’ll achieve the same effect. And sometimes, I’m offered summaries by other people.

It would be handy if you could radically cut the time invested and still get the same result, and change by just as much.

You can’t…

You can know about something from a summary, but you can’t truly know it.

The best books take you on a journey of learning. You’re changed by the process of reading from cover to cover. Your unconscious mind accepts new patterns. As a result, you live what you’ve learned, and achieve the corresponding results.

Changing what you know about isn’t the same as changing what you know.

A summary most likely won’t change what you know. Skip the reading and you skip the change.

What do you know about and what do you really know? And how do you tell the difference?

(I think a clue is one’s a head thing and the other’s a whole body experience.)

Filed Under: Change, Leadership, Personal Mastery Tagged With: book summary, change for leaders, Dr David Fraser, knowing your purpose, learning, the difference between knowing and knowing about

Are you condemning yourself to be wrong?

April 24, 2013 By Dr David Fraser Leave a Comment

Margaret Thatcher and Tony Blair We see it as all or nothing with political leaders, and others too for that matter. If there’s something we dislike about them or what they’ve done, we’re inclined to dismiss everything about them.

Nice and tidy, but a mistake.

Because some of what everyone does is right—even the most extreme people you can think of.

If we do the opposite, we are almost bound to be wrong some of the time.

Dismiss everything about someone, and we’re left with only the alternative, on every point.

Best to notice what is right, even amongst what is wrong.

Filed Under: Leadership, Learning, Personal Mastery, Wisdom Tagged With: Dr David Fraser, Margaret Thatcher, political leaders, right, Tony Blair, wrong

Profiling—reformer or reinforcer?

April 19, 2013 By Dr David Fraser Leave a Comment

Team of business people walking There’s a problem with the team. They’re not performing as effectively as we would expect…

Tempting perhaps to reach for the psychometric profiling tools to understand who’s doing what and why.

But there’s a danger…

The results of profiling are almost bound to reinforce the problem patterns because they give the individuals involved greater reason, justification even, for being the way they are.

Sure…

They may become more aware of their traits and choose to change them—that is a possible outcome.

But it might be better just to build their flexibility in the first place; to coach them in different ways of showing up in the world.

Filed Under: Leadership, Personal Mastery Tagged With: Dr David Fraser, flexibility, profiling, traits

Completely holistic?

April 17, 2013 By Dr David Fraser Leave a Comment

Earth from space Can we ever be completely holistic? Or can we only hope to be more holistic than we were yesterday? Is that even a good idea?

It’s generally a worthy goal, striving to ensure our actions are matched to as whole and balanced a view as possible. More chance then of our actions being truly beneficial. But can we ever be complete in that respect? Even a system we recognise in large scale is part of a still bigger system—every “whole” is part of something else.

So…

Being completely holistic seems beyond reach.

How then to choose our scope? How to choose the boundary of the system with which we engage? How to find the practical optimum between a large enough scope to qualify as “holistic” and something small and simple enough we can actually influence?

As the late Frank Farrelly said in his book “Provocative Therapy,” “When it comes time to act, you have to oversimplify.”

Or as Peter Senge, author of “The Fifth Discipline” says, “Don’t try to figure out the unfigure-outable.”

Being both holistic and practical—another “both-and” to keep in mind and in balance.

Filed Under: Personal Mastery, Systems Tagged With: balanced view, both-and, choosing a scope, Dr David Fraser, finding an optimum, whole

Can you see their hesitancy?

April 15, 2013 By Dr David Fraser Leave a Comment

Man thinking, looking upward Sometimes it’s obvious…

We notice when our friends and associates are holding back from committing to something—or maybe someone—which in itself is preventing them achieving the results they want.

We might encourage them to “go for it” or to “have the courage of their convictions.”

That’s after we’ve seen they’re holding back; or after we’ve felt their hesitancy.

I think you’ll agree you notice this in others.

But here’s the thing…

Do you see it in yourself (when it’s there to see, or feel)?

What (or who) are you hesitating about?

Caution, of course, is appropriate, but sometimes we overdo it.

What can you learn about your own hesitancy from how you notice it in other people? What are the signals you pick from them, and perhaps could notice in yourself?

Filed Under: Change, Leadership, Personal Mastery Tagged With: committing, courage, Dr David Fraser, hesitancy, signals