It was an informal meeting in a hotel bar with 4 or 5 people present. I’d been asked to say a bit about this myself. This from someone I’d met only a few hours previously. Nothing very unusual about that. What was unusual was the way my short potted history was interrupted by comments, not to say criticism, from the other party. Let’s say my patience was tested, and eventually found slightly wanting.
The thing is…
How do you handle such situations?
Eventually, the other person’s turn to tell their story came, after we’d picked up the pieces, and it might have been tempting to return with interest the earlier challenging.
Instead, I managed to listen intently without interjection (I was tired, which helped), wondering all the while if the contrast was apparent.
The question is…
Does deep listening encourage a speaker to go on and on, or do they “get” that they are being honoured with attention and soon it will be time to return the favour.
In other words, does modelling “deep listening”—an apparently passive activity—encourage the same behaviour in others, whom one might rather imagine would just take advantage of the opportunity to talk all the more?
I find it does. People realise they are called to a higher standard of dialogue.
What’s your experience?
How do you get someone to listen?
It’s so often the way, isn’t it? Somebody you’re in touch with really sees the change you can help them make in their business.
We’re so accustomed to ever-present change and the need to lead ourselves and others through challenging times, we’re inclined to think leadership itself is a changing field. I am anyway, or I was.
If you’re on the inside, it can be hard to stimulate change in the wider system because although you have some explicit authority, you’re constrained by your stakeholders’ expectations. We can’t really look to you to show the way on a wider front.
Do those with the most humility have the most influence? Or is vocalising knowledge and expertise an essential part of gaining the attention required to make a difference?
The conversation seems to go round in circles. Actually, it would be more accurate to say it meanders all over the place. The participants do seem to be talking about one subject though. After all, they’re using the same words.
… as opposed to what you know about.
We see it as all or nothing with political leaders, and others too for that matter. If there’s something we dislike about them or what they’ve done, we’re inclined to dismiss everything about them.
Most of us have been brought up to seek precision; to look for clarity; the one right answer.
There’s a problem with the team. They’re not performing as effectively as we would expect…
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