February 22, 2018

Archives for December 2010

Best wishes, and how to keep your relationships sweet in the holiday period

Here you can view my notes on Relationship Skills for Success at the holiday time.

As 2010 draws to a close, it’s time to wish you all the best for 2011. Whether or not Christmas is part of your culture, you have my best wishes.

I’ll be making the Relationship Skills Success formula more widely available in 2011. I thought you might like a preview so I’ve been working on some notes about how the formula applies to family and personal time during the holiday period. In just eight pages (you’ll read them quickly), you’ll learn about:

  • The key shift in focus that will help you
  • Some ways to be sure you have a resourceful attitude
  • How to build your resources of calmness for when you need them
  • What lies behind personality and how to adapt
  • The key to making progress with people
  • Some of the ways we use language that cause trouble – not expletives – they’re benign in comparison
  • How to be more self-aware
  • How and where to achieve balance
  • The profound thing I learned in writing my book, and which is important to you too

…and more. You can view and download the (PDF) notes here Relationship Skills for Success at the holiday time. They’ll make all the difference to keeping things sweet over the holidays (and beyond). If you’d like to comment or ask a question, please do – use the box below.

To be kept in the loop about the important subject of Relationships Skills for Success, please register for updates here, or connect on one of the social networks (buttons top right), or subscribe to an RSS feed of my blog.

Finally, have a great holiday (if it’s that time of year for you) and best wishes for 2011.

What can we learn from Aung San Suu Kyi’s continuing appeal?

Picture of Aung San Suu KyiAung San Suu Kyi’s continues to attract great affection, support and interest both within and beyond Burma.

What The Economist (Nov 20th, 2010) describes “as the abiding affection and respect Miss Suu Kyi commands” is due not least to “her grace, courage and good humour” and, I would add, “integrity”. The lesson for us all, I submit, is the power of these qualities, including in everyday life and the workplace.

“Flexibility and weakness are completely different” – Aung San Suu Kyi

“A steel wire is strong because it is flexible; a glass rod is rigid but may shatter.” Aung San Suu Kyi has been criticised alternately for being too flexible and too rigid, but her continuing appeal and influence suggests she has the balance right.

She has not achieved her objective, you may protest. What is her objective though? If it is peaceful change without bloodshed and saving the people of Burma from great violence, perhaps she is succeeding. Meanwhile, note the Burmese general’s fear in the face of a slight 65-year old woman of integrity.

North Korean leadership – irrational or just not understood?

North Korean leadership – irrational or just not understood? And a suggested takeaway (no, not a Korean carry out (!) – an idea to use).

North Korea’s leadership is frequently referred to as “irrational”, but maybe it only seems irrational because we don’t understand its way of looking at the world – a very different viewpoint and values. Would the Chinese call the North Korean leadership irrational? Probably not. Being that bit closer, they may see how North Korea’s actions make sense in Kim Jong Il’s “map of the world”, frustrating though they may be for the Chinese, and dangerous for everyone.

At a slightly less dramatic level – only slightly, mind – somebody recently called “irrational” another party in a dispute. Same applies. Unless a person is mentally ill (perhaps Kim Jong Il is), there’s really no such thing as “irrational”. If somebody’s decisions don’t seem to make sense, it just means we don’t understand their perspective, and instead are trying to evaluate using our map.

Here’s the takeaway I suggest…

If you think you’re dealing with irrationality, accept instead you don’t understand the other’s perspective, and look for the explanation – it’ll be there. You don’t have to agree with it, just accept their right to have their own perspective. Then you’ll stand more chance of figuring out what to do to solve the problem.

And the underlying principle…

“The map is not the territory” – so said Alfred Korzybski in 1931, with echoes by NLPers since. Our model of the world is a pale shadow of the world itself. Mine is different from yours and neither are the same as the world itself. You have as much right to your model as I have to mine, and we both know much and yet also very little.